The Fight Part 3

The Fight Cont.

My life from early childhood, became a nightmare that would start a chain of events. I would not even get finished with what I started to create, when creating it would seem to go to Hell in a hand basket, so to speak. I always at a young age wanted more, and Bill did not care how he got it or who he had to run over to get it. In everything he did he would run over who ever did not like it including his wife's and children, I know he was cold when it came to business. I would step in and make him have some compassion for the ones we loved, he always got grouchy at this point and hence the inter conflict would go on sometimes this would cause us to step into drugs and use them to lessen the pain of this conflict. He would turn to drugs and alcohol and would cause us more harm than good. This is why I had such a deep hatred towards myself, and no choice, except take over and clean house so to speak, I could not allow him to destroy everything, that unfortunately would not be excepted by our wife's, well not all at least, this is not about them this is about me, and my eternal battle which would go on for forty-two years. In the end I will win this battle, unfortunately again, I would come out on the other side, with my heart in pieces, and will have to keep putting it back together, it is hard to go back and erase all the damage done by our battle, and this made our love for self almost impossible, and so many holes to fill, hence where the drugs would come into play. This caused many issues with the law and family that would never be repairable, the only way to repair this kind of damage is to forgive yourself and start over.

In conclusion

God intervened so many times, I was at this phase of my life to oblivious to understand, what God was preparing me for, he was making me a very strong individual, who would be able to show the world, without fear of consequence, my true nature, and that is a heart that truly had learned how people was supposed to be loved. That is with a forgiving heart, because I had to learn to forgive myself, for all my failures. God Bless You