The Fight part 1

This will take you through a forty-eight-year battle, between God and me. I was fighting myself more than anything else and others, I hated myself for so long I forgot what it means to love yourself. I always had great love for others, and mostly always had a great love for God. Even when I was young, I knew there was something more powerful in this world, and I always knew I was meant to do something for our creator.

Brenda Jo Garmong

William James Garmong

The Fight part 1

I have fought back and forth for 48 years, since I was 10 years old, only because I blocked a lot out, before that time. Believe it or not, both pictures are the same person, and then again, they are totally different, the personalities are totally different. When I was younger these differences were not as distinct, now that I am older, they are like night and day. Right from the very beginning there was conflict. When I started dressing I would do it in secret, when I first came out all the way I was always looking over my shoulder, I felt like everyone was judging me. I mean here I was a big man and always very muscular, because I work out with weights continually. I spent most of the time working out and being a party favor because of how much I could lift. After I got in my first car accident that ended my weightlifting career, needless to say, I always had this in my core. This is why my family and friends always gave me a hard time about being who I always was at the core, because right from the beginning, I knew something was deep inside of me trying to get out. I don't care how far I would build my body up against being like this, because everyone always made this out to be a very bad thing. Some would throw guilt trips, some would shame me, some would disown me. Back then I was too afraid to stand up against this kind of treatment, and I allowed everyone to walk all over me, and conform to what they wanted. I had a lot of family who was what they say very religious, who would say I was an abomination to God, and hated by many, when I was younger it would destroy any love, I had for myself. To be continued.

In Closing

I would like to say, I did not know the heart of God yet because I had not excepted him into my life yet, my hate for myself just grew stronger with each passing year.