Running Away

Running Away

When people would choose to make me feel bad about my discissions for my life, I would go into defensive mode, and run from myself and everyone else in my life. This is what some call fight and flight mode: where the only defense you have is to take flight, because I always cared about what everyone else's feelings was over my own. It was always easier to run from my problems then to deal with what everyone was dishing me out, since their own lives was so perfect in their book, and mine needed fixed because that is what everyone said I was broken, you are broken is how I felt about myself at this point, I had been back and forth with the discission to become female so many times, and fighting others and the fact everyone said God will not want me either unless I repent of my sins and turn away from my evil ways, and because I was a man of God I would surely go to hell, so I spent my entire life fighting who was inside of me, not allowed to be happy because it made everyone else unhappy, which because of my heart always caring about what everyone else's feelings was over my own, I would change myself back for them and make myself unhappy. Recently I realized God excepts us the way we are not the way everyone thinks you should be he is the only one who can judge us for our sins and once I realized this my life became less complicated, he made me realize that we are meant to love others for where they are at, not for where we want them to be, there are many forms of death spiritual, physical, and mental. Even while our flesh is weak and can die in Christ our spirit can be reborn in him and presented to God as white as snow, thanks to the grace and mercy of Jesus. When Christ woke me from my slumber 6 months ago, I was content with not being connected to God and living the rest of my life to myself, not thinking about others or caring what everyone thought of me anymore. I was starting down a path of self-destruction, and this time would have ended my pain forever, I was prepared to die, and I didn't care who was going to be hurt by it. This is when God told me he had a different plan for my life, he wanted me to help others who was suffering at the hands of others, to show and demonstrate that our Lord and Savior Jesus is about redemption and restoration, grace and mercy.

In Closing

Don't allow others to stop you from having a personal relationship, with our Lord and Savior Jesus, come as you are and give yourself to him, and let him do the rest, others will have to answer to him for their judgement.